Monday, January 16, 2006

God Bless... Everyone?

Why exactly must God bless America, anyway? Did we win a bid for a 10-year exclusive publishing right to His blessing? Has God ever on an off-chance blessed Canada by accident? It is awfully close to America, and I wouldn't blame Him for the mistake. In fact, given Canada's relative peacefulness and environmental friendliness, I would wager that Canada deserves to be blessed more than we do. Being an omnipotent being, I'm sure it's well within God's power to bless everyone instead of just us.

But what exactly does His blessing do, anyway? It doesn't seem to help me much when I sneeze. In fact, more often than not I just go right on sneezing after somebody invokes God's blessing upon me. Maybe I'm allergic to it. Or perhaps His blessing is like an antibiotic and becomes less effective over time, especially when overused. Considering how often we bless each other and America, I can imagine that most strains of bacteria and virii have become resistent to it.

Americans do seem to have an unhealthy obsession with blessing their country. Perhaps the FDA should do a study to see if it's addictive. Let's compare a marijuana user to a patriot. (Click to enlarge, or don't - I understand)

Once your eyes stop burning you may note that they do appear quite similar. Perhaps we're on to something here. Maybe in another decade or two we'll see Blessoderm patches to help people fight their addictions.

Maybe we ask God to bless us as compensation for our employment as world police. Without us to free other nations, the dictators, Communists, and filthy heathens would rule the world! That, and we're just so much better than the rest of the world. I mean, we gave birth to the nuclear bomb, Wal-Mart, plastic surgery, and MTV - all things that have benefitted the entire world. I'm sure it says in the Bible somewhere that if it weren't for America the world wouldn't exist. God bless America.


Anonymous Ghosh said...

While i was pondering your oh so insight full questions on gods blessings i found i had a question of my own. How exactly do u know that god doesn't bless other courntries... I mean exactly how many national anthems do u kno? do u really kno enough of the worlds couple hundred anthems to be able to determine who god blesses? and if someone says bless u, how do u kno they mean god bless u, instead of... wel something else.... i mean i cant remember the last time i actually heard some one say 'god bless u" instead of just 'bless u" i hav more questions but i'm way too stoned to ask them....

11:17 PM  

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