Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Mighty King Corn

This week on Ask Kevin, Karen asks:
Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?
A most worthwhile question to ask. At first I was tempted to answer Soylent Green, but that's a trite and unoriginal plan advocated by those competing with me for world domination. Then Eric suddenly hijacked this post, so here is his solution to the problem:
I feel that the only way to put an end to food shortages once and for all is to get scientists to spend obscene amounts of money meant for something useful to instead make some manner of LAZOR BEAMZ that make food (but not other stuff) smaller. Can you imagine the implications of miniature food? It would be just like normal food, but less! We already have miniature corn, so it's only a matter of time before other foods follow the path of their glorious leader. Of course such a trampling over the laws of nature would inevitably cause the food to become sentient and take over the world and eat people instead of the other way around. Then there would be more than enough to eat for all! Problem solved. You may now wire the money to my Swiss bank account.

Damn you, usurper! I always knew Eric was really a communist infiltrator. Post more questions in the comments section while I call Senator McCarthy.


Blogger Tyler said...

I have a list of 57 card-carrying red foodstuffs?

7:46 PM  
Anonymous Karen said...

We should shrink the communists.

8:21 PM  
Anonymous -- jazzy said...

"The greatest delight which the fields and woods minister is the suggestion of an occult relation between man and the vegetable. I am not alone and unacknowledged. They nod to me, and I to them."

Sentient vegetables? I believe Emerson has already stumbled across a few. They seem friendly?

3:39 AM  

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