Monday, February 20, 2006

Behold the Power of "i"

I apologize (not really) for the lack of updates. I have finally returned from my weeklong trip to Washington, DC, so your life will resume shortly. I might tell you about my trip later, but I might not. Can you feel the suspense? Anyway...

Recently I've been noticing a growing number of products whose names begin with a lower-case "i." I can't say that I'm surprised that companies are jumping on the iConform bandwagon, seeing the obscene profits that Apple makes from iConform sales. One thing that I do wonder is how exactly Apple came up with the name "iPod" (this is the only time you'll see me refer to it by its real name). I mean, the "i" of course is not Apple's creation, but pod? When somebody says pod, I think beans. Or whales. Anyway, let's take a quick look at a few "i" products:
  • iShirt. Having the resplendent white earphones conspiciously screaming "I CONFORM!" just doesn't show off my coolness enough. I need it plastered across my chest in letters so absurdly huge that they're visible from outer space, just so everyone knows that I'm part of the hip new "i" generation.

    Remember, kids: The iPod Shuffle is NOT INCLUDED with this product.
    And: People who use pacemakers should never wear this shirt.
  • iBoxer. Yep, a pair of boxers. This product epitomizes the "i" market.
    Available in solid fashion colors and the solid waistband features a racing stripe and the Play logos.
    Oh snap. It's got racing stripes! The stripes probably make me run faster. It even has "3/8 inch side vents" to improve performance, or something. Maybe if I wear them I'll feel like I'm driving a racecar, except as the contents of my pants instead of a vehicle. And nobody will mess with the "solid fashion colors." The chicks will dig it.

    Sarcasm aside, keep that thing away from my genitals!
  • And speaking of genitals... iBuzz.
    iBuzz is the musical orgasm machine! The music-activated vibrating bullet stimulates you in time with your favourite music. Which song pushes your butttons?
    You know what? No comment.
$30 for a single shirt. $22 for a single pair of boxers. $60 for a... toy. God bless America.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here you go again! Your constant focus on apple's influence is just as bad as the public interest you so blatantly abhor. Please let the bloody thing go! Sure, maybe they did make a huge profit margin, but so did the oil companies... and look the Senate let them go. Take a page from our glorious government and move on. Why should we forsake and denounce success? If i see one more ipod based post i will .... comment again? Yeah, i know your scared.

12:27 AM  
Blogger Tyler said...

man, he's like the U.N. of the blogworld. (laying the smackdown on peaceful international organizations is fashionable ;) )

7:44 PM  

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