Tuesday, February 07, 2006

DVD's: Weapons of Mass Destruction?

It appears that Blogger exploded and deleted this post, so here it is again. This week on Ask Kevin commenter blue>white asks:
What's the difference between a DVD that is silver on the bottom and one that is blue?
That's an excellent question, blue>white, but you won't like the answer. Contrary to popular opinion, DVD stands not for Digital Video Disc, but rather for Death and Violence Desensitizer. You see, DVD's are actually instruments of a grand Soviet conspiracy that contain powerful subliminal messages. Every time you watch a DVD, every time you touch a DVD, every time you even think about a DVD, you’re being brainwashed by the Soviets. The subliminal messages contained in these instruments of destruction are intended to destroy the fabric of American society and prepare us for the coming Soviet invasion.

Back to question at hand. DVD’s can be broken down into three basic categories: ones commanding you to sleep, ones commanding you to kill sleeping people, and ones commanding you to blame killings on the media and government. Respectively, these each have silver, gold, and blue bottoms. You’ll note that DVD’s with silver and blue bottoms are much more common than the murder-inducing gold ones, and that is intentional. They don’t want us all to murder each other. Yet.

If you’ve ever watched a movie and felt a sudden and irrational love for Mother Russia coupled with a deep hunger for cabbage and vodka, then you know what I’m talking about. You haven't? Well it’s a conspiracy, and if you don’t agree with me then you must be part of it! God bless America.

Send in more questions in the comment section!

2 Comments:

Anonymous Karen said...

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.


And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

9:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol realllllly now?
as i sit here thinking about the profound knowledge you just provided me with . . . there have been a number of occassions i remember believing i was a soviet etc. lol
goodness gracious kevin!
lol
-ari

5:00 PM  

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