Monday, July 17, 2006

Never Smell of Forgiveness

Kevin and Tyler have a brief but life-changing dialogue about a small but life-changing product...

Kevin: Hello Tyler. Besides your odd choice in pants today, something else is unusual about you. I have a sudden and irrational urge to never forgive you for being alive.

Tyler: I'm glad you like my new cologne. With this new scent, my success rate with women has risen 200%. It's from P'diddy's men's line - that's right, rappers sell cologne now. It has a perfect, unimpeachable name, fitting right in with the new image of...

Kevin: UNFORGIVABLE™! Tyler, you smell utterly UNFORGIVEABLE™ today. But not only that. You smell of a new lifestyle, a new you.

Attractive Female Bystander: Tyler, may I bear your children?

Tyler: Perhaps. I should check my schedule. I might be able to book you in...

P. Diddy: UNFORGIVABLE™ cologne by Sean John is a visceral fragrance that blends chemistry and emotion. It stimulates the senses in ways never imagined and is a rare blend of pure, uncontained, and unrestrained emotion... The UNFORGIVABLE™ man is distinctive with a driving passion. (It really says that)

Tyler: Can you not smell the pure emotion in my cologne?

Indeed, both of you smell of such complete, utter, and UNFORGIVABLE™ emotional saturation that I can hardly stifle my admiration for your distinctive, driving passion for living life to the fullest.

Tyler: Yes, well, it's all in the bottle - yours for only $74.99! You too can live life UNFORGIVABLY™.

Kevin: Clearly, being such a fan of Pe Diddee, I can hardly restrain myself from dashing to the nearest Wal-Mart and purchasing this product immediately. But I don't know if I'm ready to be UNFORGIVABLE™ yet. I don't know if I'm ready to leave behind my boring life and become what I've always wanted to be.

Tyler: Kevin, what you talkin' 'bout? Don't you want to be more like p. Dyddy? Why in Jersy would you delay such overwhelming passion?

Kevin: Perhaps because UNFORGIVABLE™ is composed of not one, not two, but three distinct elements: Cool, Fresh, and Sexy.

pDiddi: This could be you:

Tyler: See, you too could get hott sideways makeouts at the New York Stock Exchange! With tongue!

Kevin: Clearly a product that all sane men must have. Thanks Pî Diddy! I think it's time that I, too, began smelling UNFORGIVABLE™.

Aviator sunglasses sold separately.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, Mr. Combs has announced that his fans can call him "Diddy" now (he felt that the "P" was getting in the way).

9:16 PM  
Anonymous katie t! said...

ha, you guys are so funny.

π diddy!

11:39 PM  
Anonymous katie t. said...

more blog posts pls

10:24 PM  
Anonymous angela! said...

hah this is amazing. i want more. damnit. MORE

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Lauren said... guys are amazing...

sorry i didn't getta come to wildwood this year!!! missed you guys!

9:32 PM  
Blogger cookiestork said...

Lauren, you horrible person!!! Oh, and you're not alone... Tyler and Kevin were lazy too. Slackers. ^_^

11:53 PM  
Blogger Zoso said...

I found i have a sample of this from some nordstroms raid. I am now officially afraid to smell it.

9:18 PM  

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