Friday, October 06, 2006

The Most Important Lie You'll Ever Tell (Part 1)

It's fall, and for seniors in high school that means it's time for the limitless bliss that is the college application, and more specifically, the college essay. Being the charitable person that I am, I have decided to write some example essays to help those of you struggling with your 500-words-or-less exercises in shameless self-aggrandizing. Below is an essay for the venerable Common Application:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk, you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Thump. Thump. Thump. My heart thundered as I stalked down the silent hallway, wincing at the loudness of my footsteps. Sweat dripped down my nose and I could hear every labored breath I took. The hostile darkness seemed to envelop and consume me, and pretty soon I could see nothing at all. But something kept me going.

I was afraid. I was alone. I realized that this was the first time in my life I was truly terrified. I knew that were it not for my excellent leadership skills I would have been too afraid to continue. On and on I went, each second seeming like a year. Suddenly the darkness ahead of me seemed ot surge forward and I flinched, dropping to my knees and crying out weakly in horror. I quickly realized that it was not some maleviolent apparition but rather the door at the end of the hallway.

I stepped through the door and was immediately assaulted by a torrent of violent snowfall. I trudged out into the blizzard, thankful that I was a well-rounded and well-balanced person with skills in many different subjects, one of which was resistence to windchill. Well, I thought to myself, I guess I'll just have to walk home. And so I did, shivering and stumbling, but strong enough to continue because of determination to pursue my goals in life despite adversity.

As I passed the alleyway in front of my house I noticed a homeless man lying facedown in the snow, apparently unconscious. Despite being myself frozen to the bone and weary beyond belief, I knew what I had to do. I ran to the man and dragged him out of the snow into the relative safety of a nearby overhang. I propped him up against the wall and was immensely relieved that he appeared to still be breathing, although he was showing signs of frostbite from the snow. As I was unbuttoning my coat, he stirred and seemed to be regaining consciousness. I quickly picked up a nearby brick and hit him hard on the side of the head, twice, before finishing stuffing my coat with all of his belongings. Satisfied with what I had done, I continued into my house.

Immediately after I entered the front door, I knew something was wrong. As I stood there and surveyed the room, a small child suddenly lept from behind a curtain and dashed for the back door. I opened fire with my rocket-propelled grenade launcher, stopping the intruder in a spectacular spray of blood and body parts. I closed the door, took off my clothes, flopped onto my bed, and immediately fell asleep.

P.S.: Attached to the back of this sheet you will find a note bearing my favorite U.S. president ever: Benjamin Franklin.


Blogger Tyler said...

benjamin franklin: best president ever?

5:54 PM  
Anonymous ari said...

yes the best president ever, cha

i especially like the bit about the rocket-propelled grenade launcher. the spray of blood etc made me think of fireworks

7:32 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

You made me smile out loud. I'm slightly disappointed that I didn't remember to check here before I wrote my really corny essays.

12:14 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Oh, and good job keeping it 'til the last 40%.

12:15 AM  

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